Itapon si Pantaleon Alvarez sa Basurahan!

Si Pantaleon Alvarez ang pinaka-asshole sa lahat ng mga kongresista ngayon. Sunod sa level n'ya si Fariñas.

ANYARE Pakyaw?!

Matindi talaga ang epekto ng pera at kapangyarihan sa isang tao. Exhibit A: Manny Pacquiao.

Noong baguhan pa itong boksingerong ito ay may hawak pa s'yang rosaryo at matindi daw pananalig niya sa Diyos. Pero ngayong mayaman na s'ya at isa nang pulitiko ay nag-iba ang paninindigan. Hindi na siya maka-Diyos.

Oo nga at sinasabi n'ya na daw mahal n'ya ang Diyos at nagba-Bible study pa s'ya at isa pang pastor (?) pero ang naging reaksyon n'ya sa "stupid God" na pautot ni Digong ang siyang tunay na sukatan sa dedikasyon n'ya Diyos.

Heto and sabi n'ya ayon sa news report ng ABS-CBN:

"Hindi ako masyadong na-update sa mga balita sa social media. Narinig ko lang na may statement siya pero hindi ko pa nababasa," 

"I heard sa mga pastor na makipag-audience sa kaniya. Dito sa atin, iba-iba ang paniniwala natin. Nirerespeto natin ang bawat isa, ang bawat paniniwala. At kung anuman 'yung malalim na dahilan ay hindi natin alam, kaya hindi tayo puwede magbigay ng comment."

Anak ng ampalayang palusot 'yan. Hindi daw alam ang balita. Kung totoo man yan ay patunay yan na isa syang mangmang na Senador dahil hindi s'ya updated sa current events. At hindi man lang siya magkokomento kasi iba-iba ang paniniwala natin? PWEH! Dapat dito kay Pakyaw ang nilulunod sa Ampalaya Juice.

Wala ka na Pakyaw. Pang-labas na lang ang paniniwala mo sa Diyos. Darating ang panahon na papasok sa isp mo na sana hindi ka na lang naging sikat - na sana hindi ka na naging mayaman - na sana hindi ka nanging politico - dahil sa panahong iyon ay malalaman mo na ang kayamanan mo at kasikatan mo ang bumulag sa iyo at naglayo sa iyo mula kay Kristo.

P.S. Sa pagiging kapit tuko mo kay Duterte, wapakels na ako sa boksingan mo kay Mathysse. Uminom ka na lang ng Ampalaya Juice bukas kapag ikaw ay matalo.  

Yellow Media Misquoted Again! Duterte Didn't Use "F" Word but "P" Word: Pak Ganern

The biased Yellow Media (the lap dog of Liberal Party)  deliberately misquoted President Rodrigo Duterte's comments on the European Union. 

Various news articles say that the president badmouthed the ministers of EU with the "F" word. The alleged F word was Duterte's reaction to the criticisms made by the EU on the Drug War. 

A review of the speech by Ampalaya News revealed that Duterte never said the F word. Here is what the president actually said: 

"Eto namang EU,  mga pakialamero. It is our country...hindi sila pwede manghimasok...pak...pak...ganern!"

Communications Secretary Martin Andanar defended the president saying that he didn't badmouthed the EU ministers.

"Walang sinabi si Presidente na f#%@k. Sabi nya pak ganern. Hinahamon nya lang ang EU maglaro to ease tensions." Andanar said. 

Pak Ganern is the game popularized by the comedian Vice Ganda. 

Labor secretary Walden Bello,  meanwhile, commented that "EU ministers are a bunch of lame ducks if they don't answer the president's pak ganern challenge."

EU are yet to issue their official statement regarding Duterte's challenge.

BREAKING NEWS: Duterte Receives New Letter, Advice from Pope Francis

Davao, Philippines – Presidential candidate and Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte received another letter from Pope Francis days after he received his “forgiveness letter” from the Vatican.

Papal Nuncio to the Philippines Archbishop Giuseppe Pinto personally delivered the letter to Duterte’s office in Davao City.

In the letter Pope Francis says:

This is my response to your letter asking for forgiveness. I appreciate your gesture and I assure you that you have my forgiveness and my prayers.

I do hope that your humble gesture be the start of your conversion. I advise that you also seek forgiveness from the Filipino people for swearing on national TV and even showing the “dirty finger”, which was viewed by children in your country. I also fervently hope that you learn mercy and give forgiveness even to people whom you believe are criminals.

“Masaya ako at napatawad na ako ni Pope sa pagmumura ko sa kanya,” Duterte said, “iimbitahan ko uli siya dito sa Pilipinas kapag presidente na ako kahit magka-leche-leche pa ang trapik sa Metro Manila.”

Duterte also said that he will think about the advice given by the Pope on forgiving criminals. Duterte is known to be tough on criminals and was also linked to Davao Death Squad.
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Davao Death Squad Vows to Hunt Down UPLB Student

Davao Death Squad member in the latest Youtube video threatening a UPLB student.

The Davao Death Squad finally broke their silence on the recent spat between presidential aspirant Rodrigo Duterte and a University of the Philippines - Los Baños (UPLB) student.

On the latest video posted on their Youtube account, the vigilante group promised that they will hunt down UPLB student Stephen Villena because he disrespected Duterte.

“We have a very particular set of skills, skills we have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make us a nightmare for people like you. We will look for you, we will find you, and we will kill you,” the masked-man in the video said.

The masked-man, who claimed to be a high-ranking member of Davao Death Squad, then proceeded to lecture anti-Duterte people on why it’s wrong to disrespect their leader.

Villena asked Duterte some questions regarding during a forum in UPLB. Duterte is answering the question when he was cut by Villena and was asked to answer directly so that he could go home.

The incident was video-recorded and became viral in social media.

Furious Duterte supporters attacked Villena on his social media accounts with some insinuating his death.

The masked man ended the video by saying that they will ensure peace and eerie silence under Duterte presidency.

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It’s Confirmed! Ben10 to Replace It’s Showtime

As a confirmation of their defeat to the trending KalyeSerye of Eat Bulaga, the big bosses of ABS—CBN announced the end of It’s Showtime. “Ben10 will replace the now defunct noontime show,” said Martin Lopez, the media giant’s chief information officer.

Lopez made the announcement live in the last episode of It’s Showtime today. Vice Ganda, Karylle, and other hosts of the now defunct noontime show couldn’t stop crying during the announcement.

“Saan na kami pupulutin?” Vice Ganda cried out. Kim Atienza, meanwhile, asked the audience to watch his only remaining show “Matanglawin”.

AGB-Nielsen Survey bared that Ben10 beats It’s Showtime in nationwide TV ratings surveys. Ben10 have two digit ratings while the now defunct noontime show struggled to get one-digit rating. Even Pastillas Girl failed to save the show.

Ben10: Alien Force will start airing in ABS-CBN this Monday from 12 Noon to 3 PM.

“We hope that you will support Ben10 in his road to forever”, said Lopez at the end of his announcement.

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Image source: Adobo Talk

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Government & INC Agreed to Create Autonomous Region for Iglesia ni Cristo

The Aquino Administration and the leadership of the politically influential religious sect Iglesia ni Cristo agreed to create the Autonomous Region for Iglesia ni Manalo or ARI. The agreement was arrived at after hours of negotiations on Sunday night to resolve the protest rally by the sect’s members along EDSA.

INC general evangelist Bienvenido Santiago announced the creation of the autonomous region over church-owned television channel Net 25.

“This is the long term solution for our problems with the INC. The ARI will bring peace to our Nation by giving the INC the legal mandate to deal with their family problems,” Presidential spokesperson Edwin Lacierda said during a press briefing at Malacañang Palace.

The agreement for the creation of ARI was signed by President Benigno Aquino and the INC Executive Minister Eduardo Manalo.

According to the agreement, the capital of the INC autonomous region is the sect’s central temple and the surrounding 5 barangays in Quezon City. The Philippine Arena and 20 surrounding barangays in Bulacan, and all barangays in the Philippines with 51% of the population affiliated to the INC will be included in the ARI.

There are provisions in the agreement that gives ARI its own police, military, and coast guard. Separate Commission on Audit and Commission on Election will be created within ARI.

The agreement also guarantees that high-level positions will be reserved for INC members in the important government agencies like the DILG, DOJ, Bureau of Customs, BIR, and Defense Department.

“The ARI will bring peace and prosperity with our kapatid na Iglesia. At hindi lang po to para sa pakinabang ng INC ngunit para sa lahat. Hindi na tayo matratrapik sa EDSA at hindi na tayo maabala sa problemang pampamilya ng INC” President Aquino said in a statement.

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