INC to Build INC People Power Shrine at EDSA-Shaw

The leadership of the politically influential religious sect Iglesia ni Cristo (INC) will build a temple at EDSA – Shaw Boulevard to mark their so-called INC People Power.

The plan was revealed during a program Saturday night much to the glee of INC protesters.

“Plano po naming ilagay yung templo sa tapat ng Shangri La”, according to INC spokesman Edwin Zabala referring to the building currently occupied by an ukay-ukay store.

The temple will be 30 storeys high and will feature larger-than-life murals depicting the persecution of the INC under the Aquino Administration and their eventual victory. Zabala also revealed that the names of those who joined the protest will be inscribed on the temple walls “tulad ng pagkakasulat ng pangalan nila sa Aklat ng Buhay” (like the way their names are written on the Book of Life).

Members of the INC trooped to Padre Faura Street in Thursday to protest Justice Secretary Leila de Lima’s handling of the kidnapping case filed by the expelled INC minister Isaias Samson, Jr. Against the high-ranking members of the sect’s Sanggunian (central council).

The protesters moved from Padre Faura and occupied EDSA – Shaw Boulevard after receiving orders from the INC leadership causing heavy traffic and angry motorists on a Friday night.

Zabala also said that “voluntary” contributions will be collected from INC members for the building of the new monument / temple.

Kaya Natalo sa Laban: Pacman Kinulang sa Alaxan

(Source: The Independent)

LAS VEGAS, Nevada – Ibinulgar kahapon ni Caoch Freddy Roach ang pananakit ng balikat ni pambansang kamao Manny “Pacman” Pacquiao bago ang naging laban niya kay Floyd Mayweather Jr. Ang injury sa balikat ni Pacaman umano ang naging dahilan ng kanyang pagkatalo.

“Manny felt a little pain on his right shoulder but we ignored it. We thought that we had enough Alaxan in our medicine box”, paliwanag ni Roach sa after-the-fight conference kahapon.

Ayon pa kay Roach na bugbog sarado sana si Mayweather kung tatlo, imbes na isang tableta lang ng Alaxan ang nainom ni Pacman.

Ayaw naman banggitin ni Roach kung sino ang may kasalanan sa kulang na supply ng Alaxan.

“Finding the person at fault is useless now”, ani ni Roach, “what we are doing now is to find another medicine that is as effective as Alaxan.”

Ipinaliwanang pa ni Roach na nagpapahinga pa si Pacman kaya hindi nakadalo sa conference. Wala naman daw dapat ipag-alala ang Pacquiao fans dahil nasa mabuting lagay naman ang People’s Champ.

PNOY Declares May 4 a "National Day of Mourning"

MANILA, Philippines – President Benigno S. Aquino III declares May 4 as a “National Day of Mourning” to give Filipinos ample time to grieve for the loss of their boxing champ Manny “Pacman” Pacquiao.

PNoy made the declaration in a live-telecast pressscon an hour after Mayweather’s unanimous decision victory over Pacquiao.

“Alam kong nagluluksa kayong mga boss ko. Kaya sasamahan ko kayo sa pagluluksa.”, PNoy said as he explained his decision for the National Day of Mourning.

PNoy also declares that work and classes are suspended tomorrow for the National Day of Mourning.

DFA to Issue Diplomatic Protest

PNoy also said that he already instructed Foreign Affairs Secretary Albert del Rosario to issue a diplomatic protest to the State Governement of Nevada regarding the rigged result of the boxing fight.

“Nagkadayaan sa bilangan. Alam natin yan dahil kung meron tayong natutunan sa eleksyon ay yung katotohanang laging may dagdag-bawas sa mga bilangan” PNoy said about the diplomatic protest.

900 Sacks of Rotten Rice Found In Leyte, Customs Insists its Uling

900 sacks of rotten rice...err...uling at the Customs office in Tacloban City. Photo courtesy of InterAksyon.

Tacloban, Leyte – More than 900 sacks of rotten rice have been found abandoned in Customs Region 8 office located near the seaport of Tacloban.  The sacks were discovered by residents in the area because of its unpleasant smell.

Residents of Tacloban thinks that the rotten rice were donated as food aid for Yolanda victims.

In an interview, Acting Customs Collector Robert Belgica, insits that the sack contains not rotten rice but uling (charcoal).

“It’s just smell like rotten rice because this uling was made from rice.” Belgica told Ampalaya News. He denied allegations that he hid the rice and let Yolanda victims starve.

“It is uling. Just look at the color. Yolanda victims should stop complaining and thank me instead. I’m giving them charcoal for the stoves. This rotten rice…err…uling will benefit them”, Belgica said.

The rotten rice…err..uling will be distributed to Yolanda victims next week in time to the papal visit.
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Korina Sanchez Apologizes, Gives Tsinelas

MANILA - In a bid to defuse the negative reactions, ABS-CBN newscaster Korina Sanchez issued a public apology at the end of the TV Patrol yesterday evening.

"I'm sorry to Japanese people for my inconsiderate comments," the teary-eyed Sanchez said as she unceasingly wipe her eyes with Kleenex. "It is wrong for me to wish harm to all of you."

During the December 3 newscast of TV Patrol, Sanchez said that she hope that Typhoon Ruby will avoid the Philippines and hit Japan instead. Her controversial comment elicited angry response in the social media. Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe declared Sanchez to be persona non grata and she will not be allowed to enter Japan.

"As a sign of my sincere apology, I will give free tsinelas to every Japanese" the newscaster said. "If that's not enough then I told Mar to sweep the streets of Tokyo or direct traffic in Japan for a month." Sachez refers to her husband Interior Secretary Mar Roxas who is know for his good works as Mr. Palengekro, street sweeper, firefighter, traffic enforcer and many more.

The Japanese Embassy refused to comment on the apology. Meanwhile, A group of Japanese nationals living in Manila said that they will not accept the cheap slippers from Korina.

Senators Criticize Abad’s DAP Presentation

Senators analyzing the Sec. Abad’s dull Powerpoint presentation.

Manila – Budget Secretary Butch Abad took a beating when senators scrutinized his Powerpoint presentation in the recent Senate Inquiry on Development Acceleration Program or DAP.

Senate President Franklin Drilon was the first to speak out against the Powerpoint presentation when he said that “Abad’s Powerpoint presentation is dull and needs further improvement.”

“There is not enough clipart in the presentation and the slide transition is boring,” added the Drilon.

Senator Trillanes, on the other hand, complained that some slides are very hard to read because of the small fonts.

Senator Nancy Binay questioned Abad’s training on making Powerpoint presentation. “Do you have a certificate to show that you are well-trained to make Powerpoint presentations?” Binay glaringly asks.

After four hours of questioning from senators, Secretary Abad was forced to admit that he have no prior training in making Powerpoint presentations. He promised to enrol in a Powerpoint training program as soon as possible.

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Image source: DZRH

Corona Looking Forward to Bingo Nights with Colleagues

Ex-Chief Justice Reynato Corona is looking forward for happy nights with colleagues from the Supreme Court.

In a text message to Amplaya News, Corona said that he expects of plenty of visitors in his retirement home few months from now.

“I'm happy that my friends will come and join me fishing, heck, we can even play bingo and mahjong every night for the rest of our lives,” reads Corona's text message.

Corona's personal secretary revealed that new rooms are being built in Corona's Tagaytay mansion in anticipation for sudden influx of visitors.

Chief Justice Maria Lourdes Sereno and twelve Supreme Court justices are under attack by PNoy and his Yellow Army because of the DAP issue. Political analysts predict that the justices will be impeached in August.